lowest form of life

does it ever feel like life is flying by and your sitting there watching it like a tv show. there's not a lot happening, your brain is never really required in daily life so it's just kind of on coast mode or auto pilot or whatever you want to call it. i think it's partly the routine that's killing me, nothing different. honestly i know what it is..i'm not a "party goer" i don't go out and drink all the time, i don't really go to parties, i call myself a christian and say i have standards i live by and beliefs, but at the same time i'm not really a christian. i go to church (sometimes) but that means nothing. so i'm officially a part of the established religion christianty, big deal. that's exactly what christianity is not about. i don't read my bible, i don't study, i don't thirst for knowledge (about anything really not just God), i pray when i want things or when i'm like oh yea God..hehe. so i end up stuck in some strange space/time continuem(whatever that means) not really caring about much and complaining that my feet hurt and i can't breathe, going to work and pissing away the day and ultimately coasting through life. i know what i have to do to give some meaning and purpose back into my life, but why don't i do it. one word:lazy. and it all boils down to another word:selfishness, which is mankind's biggest downfall, well one of them. it seems like everything results from me wanting what's best (or in most cases) easiest for ME. Number One. eff that, if we just had more love(as lame and cliche as it sounds) we would be driven to not be selfish. and at the end of the day don't you feel better about yourself if you've helped someone else than you did if you took that time to sit on the couch and be a lump? some of the most feeling i've had in the last while has been when i've done things for other people. not even big things, stupid things that most people don't even think much about. i think instead of sleeping when i get home i need to start reading or going to the gym or better yet, both! if you pray, i could use some prayer on this one.

the most sensitive of blogs

i think this will be m first post from home. every other one has been from work. but it's my day off and i just felt like i should post something. i called the driving school today and registered for my air brakes course this weekend. i'm just listening to copeland right now. they are so incredible. oct.10th will be the 2nd time i go to seattle for a show and copeland rolls through a week later and i can't afford to go to seattle for shows twice in two weeks. yes this has happened twice. i'll see them one day.
i ran into a blog from the in medias res blog the other day. it was something a father was doing for his newborn son. he blogs every couple days documenting his baby's first experiences: going to costco, riding home from the hospital, throwing up, sleeping. i thought it was the coolest idea. reading through it made me think how much i would've loved something like that. i've heard new parents always have great aspirations for things they want to do for their kids but they slowly die out as buisiness and life sets in. i lke the idea of a blog but i think i would like to write in a journal with the same type of things. how neat would it be to grow up and find out there was a journal kept of your earliest memories and the very first things you've ever done. i'm excited to have kids but i'm also in no rush. i could use some maturing and some more stability, but i'm still excited to love something as i never have before. i had a dream about it one time and i think i woke up crying thinking about having a son or daughter of my own, that i can be proud of, and protect and watch grow up.

is it worth it? can you even hear me?

so last night i witnessed many high and low points..i went to the Atreyu,Underoath, Alexisonfire and The Used show. well the first band might as well have been Atreyu, but worse. they were called Hold Me in Contempt or something. actually upon trying to make fun of them right there i think that name's better than their actual name haha. but anyways this blog isn't about them. last night was kind of like a sandwich with delicious cold cuts, lettuce, cheese and everything awesome in the middle but old, thick, hard bread on the outsides. in the middle was Underoath and Alexisonfire.
best part of the night:Underoath. man those guys are incredible, they made me so happy that i already have a ticket to the next time they're close to me(seattle). they rock so hard, they always represent Jesus but not make it a big deal, they have respect for everyone and therefore they get respect back. and the show.. man!SO GOOD! it started off with tim coming to the front of the stage,singing,spitting and then slipping and falling over backward, converse up. then he shot back up and laughed his shaved head off. and aaron has this new thing where he double kicks so fast and he really is everything i want to be. he has such interesting placement, and he actually gets away with not being totally solid in his beats. he's pretty much the opposite of riley from thrice but i love them both. in seattle i will wait until i can talk to him.
Alexisonfire was also amazing. i can never go to an alexis show and say i was disappointed, mostly for the reason that i just got to listen to and see Dallas Green sing for 30-45 minutes. he is so incredible. he goes everywhere with his voice, rarely does the same thing twice, and never misses a beat or goes flat. so awesome. and they played their slower song(happiness by the kilowatt i think) and it was intense. they did really well, it was the last night of the tour and everyone seemed really greatful and sad that it was over.
The night finished off with i think over an hour of The Used. intro'd with the street drum corps or something, they were interesting at first, i guess, but they went on for soooo looong. lame. The Used are pretty solid. my favourite part is their bass player, jeph i think. he has a lot of style and does a cool little dance move a lot. bert sings so dang high, and his screams are always very intense, he probably wont have much of a voice box in the next couple years but for now it's good to witness. i don't know barely any of their new songs and they only played like 4 of their old songs, when they did it was enjoyable, but the sound was such that you had to know the song to understand what was going on. so for the msot part i was kinda meh about it. the best part was at the end when they played(i should really know the name of this song) the first song on their first cd..MAYBE MEMORIES thats it. i thought of it, i didnt look it up i promise. anyways they quickly covered 2 choruses and a verse of REFUSED!in the middle of the song, which was pretty cool. best part of their whole show. all in all the show made me extremely pumped to see underoath and thrice at the showbox with probably much better sound. and also i realized that vancouver can get into shows, which was a good realization everyone went crazy for the used filming their dvd. thats about it.

i'm insane, and you are my insanity

i thought i could think of interesting stuff to post just about everyday, but now i don't think so. actually i don't even know what this post will be about. um, Kirstin just got a new job as "program manager" at timberline. which is very cool. she deserves i think. i want to start a sentence with, "has anyone ever thought about..." but i can't think of anything interesting and/or relevant to follow it up with. which blows, i guess i don't get out enough for things to actually happen to me that cause me to think. the only thing i've really been thinking about lately is music.. and how i love the music i've been playing lately. so many different kinds of songs but they all make sense somehow. i don't know, trying not to give too much away but when i get excited about something i always want to make things happen right now. what can i do at this very moment so that i can get another things done. that's why i usually overdo things and get worn out.
i watched 12 monkeys the other night. it was a pretty sweet movie. quite the mind trip..brad pitt's character was insane. he's such a good actor, people always think, best looking guy, brad pitt but they don't think insanely cool, awesome actor brad pitt..also i watched adam brody on kimmel. i want to be him. his band is called Big Japan, he plays drums if u didnt know. he's so rad